18 posts tagged “friends”

I've always been more emotional than I would like. I feel intensely. Well, everything in my life tends to be on an intense level so it goes hand in hand. My happy is enough to make me tear up with the beauty and wonder of it all. My sad is like an everflowing fountain. I wish that sometimes I could turn these intensities off, but as I've aged I have realized that in many ways I'm lucky. I am thankful. I care (maybe too much sometimes) I am moved. I am full of love for the people in my life. So if the downside is a lot of extra tears that make me feel exhausted the next day, well so be it.

Things that make me cry:

• various family situations like my brother crying when I leave (then I cry), giving a talk at my in-law's 50th anniversary party about how wonderful they are, my sister when she was dealing with her crappy now-ex husband, etc.
  
• Good good good books. Most recently reading a book of one of my writing colleagues about a child growing up after her unborn sister and her father die within two weeks of her sixth birthday. Oh my I bawled, alone (Joe has been up in VT for work) at midnight all over my Kindle.
• Dr. Who episodes have made me cry lately. Poor lonely doctor! All the women in his life have to leave him!
• Other shows make me cry. Battlestar Galactica. Sex in the City. Anything with sappy wrenching relationship issues make me bawl like a baby. Love stories. Unrequited love. Lost love.  Hell, the movie Titanic flattened me...not because it was particularly good but because of the wrenching, the losing, the depth of connection ripped away. The English Patient--god I can barely watch it it just wrecks me so much.
  
• Feeling inadequate or unwanted/needed makes me cry. This may happen more often than people who know me might guess. Stupid, but true.
  
• Phone conversations with old friends, reminiscing about various events. Sometimes I feel so moved that I know
  

  Sweet lover kitty
  people, such incredible, wonderful people, that I'm moved to tears. 
• the fact that if I only pay the minimum (which is a crapload of $$ let me tell you) on my student loans, I won't be finished until I am 65. Kid you not. And I owe FAR LESS than most students graduating today.
• Sometimes watching moving sporting events or award ceremonies...speeches at the Academy Awards, etc. I can't help but feeling intensely when I see other people feeling intensely.
  
• Thinking about how my Romeo is getting old. He's 14 in October. I know that cats can live to 18-20 now but he's starting to behave differently. Nothing dramatic, just more old cat, like how he doesn't run for his cat treats as quickly or energetically as he used to. He's my closest, dearest friend who has been with me for pretty much my entire adult life. I can't bear the thought of being without him. If I even think about it, like now, I start bawling like a baby.
  
• My jobs have made me cry. In better ways now than in my youth (god, I've had some horrific bosses who have made me cry) but for me it all boils down to the connections I have with people. I want to excel. I want to succeed. Mostly now that is the case, but when I fail it does hit me hard. But more often than not, it's when people I have become connected to leave my immediate sphere. Or when I am the one that leaves. When I left my last job, which was, truly, one of the best jobs with one of the best bosses (who also recently left the company) that I have ever had, I shed many tears. I did some cool things with that company but more importantly, I did them because I had the chance to work with wonderful people who helped me and gave me opportunities in which to best help them.

Gah, that's enough for now. How much crying do you think I should do??

Sooo I just scored a new job as a PR Director for a big tech firm, helping grow the PR program for one of their newer divisions. It will be a good challenge for me and I'm really excited.

The tough part is telling people at my current job that I'm leaving. My timing is bad, so that doesn't help as we're hiring a new PR firm and we're going to be doing a lot of transition related to that change, much less having to transition my own work. Some people are worried about the hole I'm leaving and I can sense frustration when I mention I'm going. Many understand my reasons. Others are outright joyful that I'll be doing something good for me. But for the most part people have been sad, as I have felt--sad that I won't be working with such great people anymore.

But it's spring now and the peepers are out--I heard them yesterday. What a wonderful sound!

 

The crabapple and cherry trees will bloom in a few weeks and the grass is starting to pop up through the dirt. The temperature will be 70 today! Everything is poised to start bursting and blooming, to follow along the cyclical change and flux of the seasons.

It's a good time to change things up. Fall and spring always seem to represent new transitions for me. New job, new creative infusion, new possibilities.

• BBQs with friends
  

  Hotdogs
  
  
• fireflies
  

  Firefly
• evening thunderstorms, especially if there is heat lightning
  

  Boston-storm
• the sound of cicadas
  

  Cicadas
  
  
• the beach (although I have yet to go this year, sigh)
  

  Cranes beach
  
  
• sangria
  

  Sangria
• books books and more books to read
  

  Stack o books
• ice cream
  

  Ice cream
• champagne grapes
  

  Champagne grapes

Laurel came to visit so Jenna, her husband, Kelev, Raf and I headed down to Cambridge 1 and had some tasty pizza pies and great conversation!

We're back! Quebec was a blast and seeing Greg and meeting Masa was wonderful. Here are a few pics from the trip!

We HIGHLY recommend going to Toast if you ever go up to Quebec City. Wow, what an incredible meal we had there. The atmosphere was magical, the food was delish and the owner was very charming. If you are a foodie, mark that for visitation!

We did so much walking, thankfully, as we ate pretty richly and drank quite well! But really, a good time was had by all this weekend!

This has been circulating for a few years now but figured I'd resurrect it here. Because I'm a freak for books.

Name Five People To Carry On This Meme:

Greg
Angela
Reese
Suzychapstick
Bookmole

Total number of books owned:

I would say at least a thousand, half of which are probably in boxes in the attic. It's sad actually, how we're really lacking in bookshelves. I need to go through them and get rid of the crappy ones. But I love love love books and owning books. And yes, I do often re-read them.

Last book bought:

Margot Livesey spoke at the Grub Street conference I attended last weekend. The odd thing was, I didn't attend her session, but was drawn to two of her books at the sale table at the end of the day. Now I'm kicking myself that I wasn't able to sit in on her session. I picked up this gem of a book about a woman who grew up with two mysterious ghost "companions." I already sucked this one down and I highly recommend it.

Last book read:

See above. Except that I'm still reading other books, so I suppose it's only partially accurate. I read Catch-22 at lunchtime, Le Chanson de Roland in the bathroom, Fragile Things before I go to sleep (although that may not be the wisest bedtime choice) and Aristophanes is waiting in the wings. Sad, I know.

Five books that mean a lot to you:

Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson
This was the first book I read by Carson and it forever introduced me to new possibilities in poetry. Carson is an expert in classical myth and literature and in this book she draws upon the myth of Herakles and the red winged monster, Geryon, that Herakles slayed as part of his numerous labors. Except in this incredible piece of literature, a lot of the slaying going on was that of the heart as Geryon and Herakles were both strange friends and lovers. The piece is at once classical but takes place in contemporary settings. It made me realize the infinite possibilities when it comes to verse, that deep, intricate stories can be buried in poetry and there is immeasurable joy of discovering a story told in such a way. It tears into you in a way that prose pieces cannot. This is a beautiful, haunting, disturbing, creative, imaginative, inspiring book that I think everyone should read.

New and Collected Poems 1931-2000 by Czeslaw Milosz
I felt such genuine sorrow when Milosz passed away a few years ago. He wrote some of the most accessible poetry I have ever come across, drawing upon his unique vision of the world and the people in that world. I actually would recommend reading anything he has written, but if you could only get one book of his, this would be it. I was introduced to Milosz by a co-worker many years ago. He gave me his copy of A Treatise of Poetry, a very long and great poem about pre and post war Europe. But back to his collected poems...here is a snippet-- And Yet the Books.

Split Infinity by Piers Anthony
I haven't read this in years but I have very very fond memories of this book. I read it for the first time when I was probably ten. I used to pick up all my dad's sci-fi and fantasy novels that he would leave lying around (I do remember that he wasn't happy when I ran across his Gor books but other than that he never seemed to notice that I read the leave-behinds even though I was most likely way too young for much of the material). I loved Split Infinity, a story about a man who lives in two separate worlds that are side by side, one of science and one of magic. I remember one summer I explained the story (and its follow up, Blue Adept--don't think Juxtaposition was out yet) to my cousin Rhett. We spent the entire month acting out the books. Silly perhaps but we had a great time. I loved the idea of magic and technology existing in the same book.

East O' the Sun and West O' the Moon by Peter Christen Asbjørnsen, translated in 1859 by Sir George Webbe Dasent
I loved fairy tales when I was growing up and this has always been one of my favorite books. It's a collection of dozens of Norwegian fairy tales, of which the most well known is probably the Three Billy Goats Gruff. I read this book from cover to cover when I was a kid, playing out some of the stories in my room when I was probably supposed to be napping or going to sleep. You can read the complete book here.

The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde
My parents used to subscribe to book clubs way back when that allowed you to get volumes of classic works sent to your house on a monthly basis. I have a nice red volume of Wilde's works that I used to paw through for interesting quotes when I was an early teen. I think I became a hardcore convert in high school, however, when I discovered that he was an inspiration for Morrissey, then with The Smiths. I read everything I could by Wilde, absorbing all the nuances of his poetry and plays and reading as many biographies I could about his life. From Wilde I learned to like drama and I also had my first understanding of homosexual love--not that of physical love--but emotional love between people of the same sex. It helped me to be more understanding when my best guy friend came out to me when I was 15. Knowing about Wilde's life enabled me to understand more about sexual repression, discrimination and hatred. As a teenager, I felt an affinity to Wilde because he was passionate, talkative and full of unrequited or forbidden love (not that I loved girls, just that I loved people I couldn't have and who didn't love me back). Wilde also helped me see that there was a lot of value and interest in works that weren't contemporary or based in fantasy and fairy tales, which were my primary love as a kid. It was late in high school that I found that he also wrote fairy tales (which are wonderful!) and that only endeared me to him further.

Joe and I are going to hook up with one of my oldest friends, Greg, and his partner, Masa, and meet up in Quebec City soon. Any recommends for good places to stay, eat, visit, etc?

Will be so awesome to see him and to finally meet Masa. And it will be good to have someone who can sort of translate French, of which I remember nothing, despite having minored in it in college. Not that it would matter since the French Canadians morphed it into something different. But I hate feeling stupid when I go into a restaurant and they start talking to me in French and I just look at them blankly, not understanding anything beyond Bonjour! Greg's been living in Montreal for awhile now so hopefully he can help us navigate. I can read it just fine and can probably speak a few halting sentences, but can't understand much of what is spoken to me, sigh.

Well, red seems to be the shockingly popular winner. I also polled friends on a message board I frequent and I had some good, ego-boosting responses (mostly guys over there). The tally thus far is 31 red/11 blonde and a handful of suggestions for brown or black. Was a huge surprise to me-- I really thought everyone would say blonde. I was blonde my whole life until about two years ago and have been trying to decide if I like it or if I should swap back (which would be an expensive, long hassle). Maybe I'll toy with lighter red or black highlights to give it some kick. Oh, the trials and tribulations of being a girl!

But mostly this little exercise has given me some much needed self-confidence that I've been lacking lately, for reasons previously chattered about. I've been trying to pinpoint when I lost some of that loving feeling and it really started when we had the car accident. I was telling Reesie about this the other day--I felt so ugly afterward and there was a period of many months were I was afraid I would always have a massive scar running from my lip to my nose. Thankfully, it faded nearly completely (if I'm wearing makeup), but at the time I was really struggling with how to accept my potentially changed face. Yes, I was incredibly thankful just to be alive and that Joe was alive and okay but when you are disfigured as the result of someone else's stupidity and carelessness, it's a hard pill to swallow--we both had a tough time with it. I'd post a picture so you could see what I mean but Joe would freak--he hates seeing those pictures and I don't really blame him.

Shortly after I changed to red, hoping to give myself a burst of newness but after 33 years of blonde, the red has been slow getting used to. It's just now at a length where I feel like it looks good, but I've just been trying to figure out if it really does look okay--I like it quite a bit actually, but there is a stupid part of me that worries about looking like a freak and no one will tell me. But WOW...I have been so surprised by the responses that I've received. It came across loud and clear that I don't look like a freak after all--just the opposite really. So thanks for all that, everyone.

Tomorrow, while Joe is scrimmaging with his baseball buds, I'm going shopping for some new spring duds to go with my ravishing red locks!

Just what I need, another useless distraction. THANKS REESIE. Right now she's my only friend on Twitter and I don't know anyone else who might even be remotely interested in it, so if you want to take pity on me and add me to your friends list, let me know! I think I give Twitter a lifespan interest of perhaps 3 weeks for me... ;-)  We'll see.

edit: I'm crystallyn if anyone wants to add me. And yes, Kelev, I need all the pity I can get!

Okay, so Reese nudged me into checking last.fm out again (I had ages ago and for some reason or another never really got into it). Soooo if you are already there, hook me up as crystallynk! I've been obsessed with it for the last day or so!