13 posts tagged “love”

I've always been more emotional than I would like. I feel intensely. Well, everything in my life tends to be on an intense level so it goes hand in hand. My happy is enough to make me tear up with the beauty and wonder of it all. My sad is like an everflowing fountain. I wish that sometimes I could turn these intensities off, but as I've aged I have realized that in many ways I'm lucky. I am thankful. I care (maybe too much sometimes) I am moved. I am full of love for the people in my life. So if the downside is a lot of extra tears that make me feel exhausted the next day, well so be it.

Things that make me cry:

• various family situations like my brother crying when I leave (then I cry), giving a talk at my in-law's 50th anniversary party about how wonderful they are, my sister when she was dealing with her crappy now-ex husband, etc.
  
• Good good good books. Most recently reading a book of one of my writing colleagues about a child growing up after her unborn sister and her father die within two weeks of her sixth birthday. Oh my I bawled, alone (Joe has been up in VT for work) at midnight all over my Kindle.
• Dr. Who episodes have made me cry lately. Poor lonely doctor! All the women in his life have to leave him!
• Other shows make me cry. Battlestar Galactica. Sex in the City. Anything with sappy wrenching relationship issues make me bawl like a baby. Love stories. Unrequited love. Lost love.  Hell, the movie Titanic flattened me...not because it was particularly good but because of the wrenching, the losing, the depth of connection ripped away. The English Patient--god I can barely watch it it just wrecks me so much.
  
• Feeling inadequate or unwanted/needed makes me cry. This may happen more often than people who know me might guess. Stupid, but true.
  
• Phone conversations with old friends, reminiscing about various events. Sometimes I feel so moved that I know
  

  Sweet lover kitty
  people, such incredible, wonderful people, that I'm moved to tears. 
• the fact that if I only pay the minimum (which is a crapload of $$ let me tell you) on my student loans, I won't be finished until I am 65. Kid you not. And I owe FAR LESS than most students graduating today.
• Sometimes watching moving sporting events or award ceremonies...speeches at the Academy Awards, etc. I can't help but feeling intensely when I see other people feeling intensely.
  
• Thinking about how my Romeo is getting old. He's 14 in October. I know that cats can live to 18-20 now but he's starting to behave differently. Nothing dramatic, just more old cat, like how he doesn't run for his cat treats as quickly or energetically as he used to. He's my closest, dearest friend who has been with me for pretty much my entire adult life. I can't bear the thought of being without him. If I even think about it, like now, I start bawling like a baby.
  
• My jobs have made me cry. In better ways now than in my youth (god, I've had some horrific bosses who have made me cry) but for me it all boils down to the connections I have with people. I want to excel. I want to succeed. Mostly now that is the case, but when I fail it does hit me hard. But more often than not, it's when people I have become connected to leave my immediate sphere. Or when I am the one that leaves. When I left my last job, which was, truly, one of the best jobs with one of the best bosses (who also recently left the company) that I have ever had, I shed many tears. I did some cool things with that company but more importantly, I did them because I had the chance to work with wonderful people who helped me and gave me opportunities in which to best help them.

Gah, that's enough for now. How much crying do you think I should do??

Tammy Faye Messner 1942-2007

Odd that I would find it sad that a televangelist has died. I grew up in the 80s finding the whole Bakker PLT debacle gross and despicable. In fact I couldn't get past the crazy eyelashes and terrible makeup and her freakish god worshiping ways. Realize now that I think it pretty sick when anyone gets filthy rich off of people looking for religion and I get very very sad when millions of poor (often literally poor) deluded people help those people get richer and richer.

But when I saw the Surreal Life in 2004, I changed my mind about her. I never really watch that show but for some reason I saw a lot of it that season. She was on there with Erik Estrada, Ron Jeremy and Vanilla Ice. Overall it was a very strange crowd, with the oddest pairing of all being Ron Jeremy, probably one of the most famous porn stars around. And no, I have not seen the "hedgehog" performance thank god.

Tammy totally changed my mind about her. Seeing her in that sort of very charged and highly dramatic atmosphere, she behaved just like I believe someone that considers themselves a true Christian should behave. She didn't judge. She accepted. She accepted Ron Jeremy despite her feelings about the life he has led and continues to lead. She loved him as a person and as a friend--one of the people she said she became closest to while she was there. She accepted Vanilla Ice despite his anger. She was the kindest and most caring person on that entire cast. She loved them all. She didn't push God on them. She lived a life of example and through that I believe that many of those people became more willing to think about God overall. When the episode with the nudist camp came on she refused on principle. She didn't fault anyone else for going but believed it was wrong in the eyes of God for her to go. Again, instead of preaching, she led by example. Her friends supported her. Traci Bingham, Baywatch Babe, described her experience on Surreal Life with Tammy as life-altering.

She accepted and loved all the people around her regardless of race, regardless of sexual prefererence. The Wikipedia entry talks about her speech during the Surreal Life: "She made a plea for all people to grant themselves permission to cast off the things that are holding them back, to forgive themselves and others, to be happy with themselves whoever they are, to persevere in the face of opposition, and to show each other unconditional love."
 
That last bit is something that I just don't see many Christians doing these days. Not all, but the neo-cons, the right right wingers. They judge, they blame, they persecute. If you are gay it's bad. If you make a very hard choice as a woman to not bring a baby into the world, it's bad. If you are the wrong color it could be bad. If you are a different religion, it's bad (don't get me started on a recent conversation I had with a relative about "not letting the Muslims get into our government" in reference to Barack Obama...sigh). I don't understand how this is ok if you call yourself a Christian. The Bible I've read has Jesus spending his time among the poor, the prostitutes, the people that society has cast off. Tammy Faye got that...she understood that God will be the judge and it is her duty on earth to lead by example and to love and accept people. All people. To find their soul and appreciate that soul which God gave them, regardless of whether or not they themselves are doing what the Bible says they should be.

If there are, as the Bible literally states (and we, as a society only began believing in the Bible literally (rather than allegorically) around the late 1800s, again sigh) a finite number of people that will make it into heaven, I think Tammy Faye probably made the list.

The very first concert I ever went to was The Alarm (wow, what a cool front page!), playing with Pat Benatar. It was on their Spirit of '86 tour so I must have been about 14, almost 15. My mom went and I had to take my sister, but I didn't care (this would be extremely funny to you if you knew my mom). I was determined to see them. They were the polar opposite to my other favorite band, The Smiths. The Alarm was full of power, love and truth.

They were cool. They were a bit more rockerish than U2 but with a more general political bent, which I always felt made them somewhat more accessible. Plus they had killer hair.

The lyrics alone were enough to give any angst-ridden teenager some sort of hope for the future. From Blaze of Glory:

 It's funny how they shoot you down

the alarm - blaze of glory

When your hands are held up high
And you open up your heart and soul
But that's not enough for most.

I remember this much
There is nothing
You shouldn't speak of
If you got something to say
And there is no one
To be scared of
Just get them out of the way

GOING OUT IN A BLAZE OF GLORY
My heart is open wide
You can take anything that you want from me
There is nothing left to hide

the alarm - absolute reality

You may affect the truth
You may be seen as false
You may be a king or a vagabond
You may be up, you may be down
You may sit in judgement with the rest of the clowns
You may have love
You may have hate
You may be the President Of The United States
But even you, you can't sit and hide
While the world's resources die

This is absolute reality reality reality
We are all the cause,
The solution to reality

There was just so much power and so much glory in their music. I went through a period of time where I didn't listen to them for many years and have just started to revisit the music again. Wow. I am struck by how timeless the music is.

I have their autographs on a piece of paper in my desk. My friend Brian Patrick got it for me at the same concert--somehow he managed to be near the backstage door when they were leaving. He knew how much they meant to me. Now that I think about it, I should probably put that piece of paper somewhere where it won't get lost, maybe frame it.

And so, I leave you on this 80s Friday, with more hair and incredible music from the Alarm--a later video, Rain in the Summertime, from Eye of the Hurricane (1987) and the classic 1983 song, The Stand.

I am really really loving this band, Psapp--the only band endorsed by felines. What could be better. I know that kitty approves.

It's fun, sweet, extra cool music with very very very clever videos to boot! I want you to love them as much as I do!

Awesome way to meet new friends and to connect with old, good friends, friends and more friends.

They Might Be Giants

Yankee Bayonet

Lazykitty

Xmas 2006

Every year, Joe and I make a really wonderful ritual out of decorating the Christmas tree. First we pick up the tree, which in itself isn't a grand affair. We just need a good basic tree, full, no holey spots, etc. Wilson's out in Lexington usually has decent trees although last year the one we got went dry super fast for some reason. After we get the tree home and it has time to settle in its base, all the fun stuff happens.

I put the lights on the tree while Joe makes dinner (this year it's pheasant!), because he really sucks at making the lights look uniform. My father was such a freak about doing the lights in a certain way, starting on the inside and layering them around to make the whole tree really light up properly. I inherited that freak trait. So I do that and decorate the house (I go all out in preparation for our annual holiday party). No cheesy stuff--just super cool, cozy, festive decor. In some ways I wish I could keep up all the Xmas stuff throughout the year. It creates such a super special homey atmosphere with the lights and sparkling everything. Especially in our little fireplace room. There is nothing more wonderful than curling up in my big old green chair, next to the fire on a snowy December day (I say this as it's nearly 65 degrees out, sigh).

After a really nice candlelit dinner (oh wait all our dinners are candlelit...better than glaring overhead lights, we think), then we flip on the DVD player and watch "It's a Wonderful Life." We know all the lines, it's pretty sad.

That's on our agenda for tomorrow night. YAY!  So to keep you in the mood, I'm going to post a new super cool holiday song every day until Christmas just for your enjoyment. Here's the first:

Thanks for Christmas

The Three Wise Men (AKA XTC)

Show us the person who knows you best.

Joe!

I get all mushy and sappy when I talk about him, even after 6 years, so I'll spare you. :)

BRAINS!

1 comment

So we're going to a party this year...but I've nothing to wear! I went as a devil last year and Joe went as a zombie but now we're fresh out of clever ideas for this year!

Any advice for costumes? Something clever or cute would be great. Nothing too crazy or obnoxious.

And no slot machines. ;-)

I had the best date evah!

I went to the Fogg Art Museum and met

The eyes have it...

2 comments

BerniniAngel