TASTING LIFE TWICE

things that make me cry

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:35:36 -0400

I've always been more emotional than I would like. I feel intensely. Well, everything in my life tends to be on an intense level so it goes hand in hand. My happy is enough to make me tear up with the beauty and wonder of it all. My sad is like an everflowing fountain. I wish that sometimes I could turn these intensities off, but as I've aged I have realized that in many ways I'm lucky. I am thankful. I care (maybe too much sometimes) I am moved. I am full of love for the people in my life. So if the downside is a lot of extra tears that make me feel exhausted the next day, well so be it.

Things that make me cry:

various family situations like my brother crying when I leave (then I cry), giving a talk at my in-law's 50th anniversary party about how wonderful they are, my sister when she was dealing with her crappy now-ex husband, etc.
Good good good books. Most recently reading a book of one of my writing colleagues about a child growing up after her unborn sister and her father die within two weeks of her sixth birthday. Oh my I bawled, alone (Joe has been up in VT for work) at midnight all over my Kindle.
Dr. Who episodes have made me cry lately. Poor lonely doctor! All the women in his life have to leave him!
Other shows make me cry. Battlestar Galactica. Sex in the City. Anything with sappy wrenching relationship issues make me bawl like a baby. Love stories. Unrequited love. Lost love. Hell, the movie Titanic flattened me...not because it was particularly good but because of the wrenching, the losing, the depth of connection ripped away. The English Patient--god I can barely watch it it just wrecks me so much.
Feeling inadequate or unwanted/needed makes me cry. This may happen more often than people who know me might guess. Stupid, but true.
Phone conversations with old friends, reminiscing about various events. Sometimes I feel so moved that I know

Sweet lover kitty

people, such incredible, wonderful people, that I'm moved to tears.
the fact that if I only pay the minimum (which is a crapload of $$ let me tell you) on my student loans, I won't be finished until I am 65. Kid you not. And I owe FAR LESS than most students graduating today.
Sometimes watching moving sporting events or award ceremonies...speeches at the Academy Awards, etc. I can't help but feeling intensely when I see other people feeling intensely.
Thinking about how my Romeo is getting old. He's 14 in October. I know that cats can live to 18-20 now but he's starting to behave differently. Nothing dramatic, just more old cat, like how he doesn't run for his cat treats as quickly or energetically as he used to. He's my closest, dearest friend who has been with me for pretty much my entire adult life. I can't bear the thought of being without him. If I even think about it, like now, I start bawling like a baby.
My jobs have made me cry. In better ways now than in my youth (god, I've had some horrific bosses who have made me cry) but for me it all boils down to the connections I have with people. I want to excel. I want to succeed. Mostly now that is the case, but when I fail it does hit me hard. But more often than not, it's when people I have become connected to leave my immediate sphere. Or when I am the one that leaves. When I left my last job, which was, truly, one of the best jobs with one of the best bosses (who also recently left the company) that I have ever had, I shed many tears. I did some cool things with that company but more importantly, I did them because I had the chance to work with wonderful people who helped me and gave me opportunities in which to best help them.

Gah, that's enough for now. How much crying do you think I should do??

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cuil not so cool

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:03:06 -0400

My take on the Cuil disaster:

Yesterday’s launch of the so-called “search engine rival to Google,” Cuil, went a bit less smoothly than I imagine the creators (ex-Google employees) planned. Well, less smooth in some ways and phenomenal in others.

Let’s start with the phenomenal:

Clever name — despite the foreign spelling ( the Gaelic word for knowledge) it’s still easily spelled and remembered
Positioned very specifically as the possible big competitor to Google
Massive viral media coverage — I imagine it started in the blogosphere and perhaps a few targeted media interviews but then it spread like wildfire with reports even appearing on national television (oh Fox News loves a sensation!). Everywhere you looked on the Web, people were sharing the link to the service and blogging about their Cuil experience. Most companies would beg, borrow and steal for exposure on that level. Oddly, very few of the media sites actually tested the engine before telling the world.

Read the rest of this post over on: http://cynosure.crystalking.com

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your actions+youtube=permanent record

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Sun, 04 May 2008 10:45:53 -0400

For someone who isn't into math, I'm all about the headline equations lately.

One of the challenges of the world today is that you have to be very thoughtful of your actions in public in a way you may never have had to in the past. Politics in particular have seen how this phenomenon works. Gaffes and debacles that might have blown over ten years ago now have longevity and can go viral before you even realize it. Controlling what happens when you do stupid things is near impossible with technology like Youtube courting millions of users around the globe.

Take Monica Conyers, Detroit city council woman. Her appalling behavior will now serve as a marker for many on what not to do (like calling the bald city council president, "Shrek").

Charlie LeDuff interviews Detroit's Monica Conyers

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almost as though we were there

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 08:30:16 -0400

oh wait, we were...at this Jens Lekman show. In fact in watching this Joe realized that we were standing next to the guy filming. You can hear us laughing, my screaming and I can even pick out places where you can hear me singing along.

He's telling the story about the song, which is about a time when he went to Berlin to visit his lesbian friend who had lied to her father about him being her fiance--and the embarrassing dinner that ensues.

A Postcard to Nina

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things i'm looking forward to: a list

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 07:27:36 -0400

Jens Lekman at the Paradise
Battlestar Galactica Season 4 (argh it starts the night of Jens Lekman! TG for TiVO!)
Colin Meloy at the Somerville Theater
Planning a little wine tasting party
SPRING at the Mt. Auburn Cemetery
Spring in general!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ice cream season
Cleaning up the back porch, potting flowers and getting ready for summer.
Sitting on that same back porch and writing (although half the trees are gone and there is a massive house just feet away from ours now...maybe I'll have to scope out a park)
Lavinia, by Ursula K. Leguin
Going to the Langham Chocolate Bar for my birthday in June. I've been wanting to go since I moved here 11 years ago and this year is not going to pass without me going!
Receiving this in the mail sometime this week!
And this.

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blueprint folding :(

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 08:21:20 -0500

One of the best mags to come along in a long time and Martha Stewart Living is folding Blueprint only after 8 months. Very very sad.

If you weren't familiar with the mag, it was a younger, hipper version of MSL, geared toward the 20-35 or so demographic. It was smart, beautiful and after the Jan/Feb issue it will be gone.

Thank god that they listened to the readers and decided not to fold it into Weddings! Nothing more annoying than receiving a mag that just goes directly into the recycle bin.

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fall television confession

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 10:32:56 -0400

So here are the obsessions for the fall:

Heroes
Journeyman (which is after Heroes and it has Lucius Vorenus in it!)
Smallville
ANTM
Project Runway (which will start Nov. 14)

So what does that mean about me? I like SciFi and fashion?? Talk about some irony, huh?

I'm very excited about this:

As fans of Battlestar Galatica get ready for the November 24 premiere of the telemovie "Razor" -- which will delve into the backstory of the Battlestar Pegasus, her crew, and Admiral Cain (Michelle Forbes) -- the network has another surprise. The movie will be preceded by an 8-week series of "mini-sodes." Filmed in conjunction with "Razor," the two- to three-minute installments will air weekly in primetime on SCI FI Channel, and then be available online at SCIFI.com. The promotional shorts will premiere in October.

The first one appeared last night and you can catch it here. No one has YouTubed it yet or I would have just embedded it...

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this year's college freshmen

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 15:20:21 -0400

were born in 1989, the year I graduated from high school. Wow.

In order to help their professors, every year Beloit College puts together a profile ofincoming college Freshmen.The entire 70 point list can be found here, but here are some of the most disturbing or interesting for me:

What Berlin wall?
They never “rolled down” a car window.
Nelson Mandela has always been free and a force in South Africa.
“Off the hook” has never had anything to do with a telephone.
Wal-Mart has always been a larger retailer than Sears and has always employed more workers than GM.
Al Gore has always been running for president or thinking about it.
They were too young to understand Judas Priest’s subliminal messages.
They were introduced to Jack Nicholson as “The Joker.”
Women’s studies majors have always been offered on campus.
High definition television has always been available.
Microbreweries have always been ubiquitous.
Time has always worked with Warner.
Tiananmen Square is a 2008 Olympics venue, not the scene of a massacre.
MTV has never featured music videos.
The World Wide Web has been an online tool since they were born.
Burma has always been Myanmar.
Dilbert has always been ridiculing cubicle culture.
Food packaging has always included nutritional labeling.

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